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Open Letter?
Feb. 8th, 2009 | 02:23 pm
so i wrote this while at work today. is it bad that i am thinking about posting it on facebook/sending it to the people whose attentions it needs?
To ______:
This is an "Open Letter" and as such - to those it is directed at - take any action or response you desire upon consuming it unto its end. "The ball is in your court" for a more trite or concise view of things. This is not something i wish i felt the need to do, but it is long overdue. The whole of this document may not even apply to everyone it is sent to, but only you as an individual can decide if it applies to you (and me) in any sort of manner, and with that you can decide to do what you feel is needed, just as i feel that this is a needed response.
The vast majority of you who this is being sent to, and hopefully read it (as who knows if any actually will) are persons of whom i have been acquainted with for some time; what many people would call friends even. All, though, are persons who i have held dear to my heart and would like to continue to do so, but (there is always a 'but' though, isn't there?) there is a matter of great concern that i must relieve myself of; to part with it and pass it unto you to do with as you please.
This letter is the beginning of the deconstruction of perhaps nothing in its own paradoxal manner. This is me coming to the conclusion and finally saying, "enough is enough". The time has come for me to continue on with this so-called 'nothing' as it has come to be in the manner that you should choose to take it, and while i can hope for the best of outcomes from this statement, i know too, that there are repercussions as well - that this will merely confirm what has come to be. Yet i cannot resolve myself to accept the 'finale' as it were - thus here we are at a moment of climax where my last vestiges of hope are put out on the table.
My friends, our friendships have come to be nothing in their current state.
My friends, i cannot continue on in these 'friendships' in which we are engaged because i can do no more. Over the past year i have struggled and done everything in my power to make these relationships with all of you work, but despite my best efforts, they have failed. Now, the first thing i will say is that i know i have not always been the best friend. Indeed i have my own flaws, i am not perfect by any measure. I love you all in my own fashion, and i know that none of you are perfect persons either. i am not writing this to be condescending nor to display an ultimatium, nor to make you feel bad, nor to point fingers. This is being presented merely because i have come to the edge of these friendships and rather than falling - failing - i am letting this cry out in order to hopefully see amends made on both fronts; in that perhaps we can salvage the meanings we have ascribed one another. There is no time frame for responses to this, nor do i care. Read - digest - move on or come around when you wish and contact me in the format of your choosing. i would hope that all of you are well aware of the numerous ways in which i can reached.
This is being written because over the past year i have evolved and change and you might not even know me as i am not in many facets. i have invited you all into my home since i have moved with varying degrees of success. Some of you i haven't seen in years, some months. Is it not sad that i cannot say that there are some i have not seen in days? i have made efforts to see most of you at your convenience. At times i have pushed - pressed myself upon seeing you, or at least it has felt that i have had to do that in order to see my friends. i have always contacted you, with many of you never reaching out for me unless something is needed - this is just the light in which i have seen things - but there are few of you who ever reach out to contact me, initiating that first step makes me feel as if i am always an intruder into your lives, an unwanted pest.
This past year i went through several losses. First and foremost - my last grandparent - my grandfather to whom i was especially close. i do not expect sympathy or console for his loss as i have had my family to support me, but this has only made the past year all the more difficult. The other 'loss' left me a broken person for many months following. You all know that i am speaking of a relationship ending, and while i will admit and know that it was for the best - that i am a better, happier, and whole person for it, at the time i needed you all the most - the time i was crying out and reaching out for you all - i was alone in my apartment - which many of you had even yet to see some six months after living there. Some of you consoled me online - some reached out a bit further and some took a long time to come around, but it still felt as though i had to beg, plead, even force the attention upon you for my own help. i am an emotional person, and you all know of this, yet i feel let down and alone in this phase of my life. You should all know that i would do anything to help you out in your time of need, all you would have to do is ask. i have valued your friendships and want to see all of you happy. i know that i can be even 'needy' at times, but turning me away when i felt broken left me only feeling more alone.
Then in this past year, and in years past there have been times when you have disappeared, perhaps not all of you, but several have indeed just "fallen off the map" for lack of a better phrase. During these times i still have tried to reach out with no success, even though i have worried and wondered often about what could be wrong and what i could do to help you. i know that we all need our space at times. and we need our own room to breathe, but you all must know that i am here for you through and through and i have shown that i am, there have been many of you i have dropped what i was doing and rushed to comfort you many a time - and i shall do that again and for all of you should you choose that is what you want.
i have come to the realization that i cannot continue in this manner. Perhaps this whole thing is overtly dramatic or an overly pretentious and self-centered meandering through my mind and emotions. But this is something that i have been wanting to say for some time in some capacity to you all because i feel broken up about it all. i care deeply about you, but i cannot push myself off of the proverbial edge without this last consolation of hope and desperate cry that perhaps things can be amended and made better for us all. Perhaps there has just been misunderstandings that need light shed on them and talked over, perhaps simple miscommunications, or maybe i have done something to push you away. This is me attempting to further open a channel of communication with you. Do what you feel is needed.
You all know how to reach me.
tim.
To ______:
This is an "Open Letter" and as such - to those it is directed at - take any action or response you desire upon consuming it unto its end. "The ball is in your court" for a more trite or concise view of things. This is not something i wish i felt the need to do, but it is long overdue. The whole of this document may not even apply to everyone it is sent to, but only you as an individual can decide if it applies to you (and me) in any sort of manner, and with that you can decide to do what you feel is needed, just as i feel that this is a needed response.
The vast majority of you who this is being sent to, and hopefully read it (as who knows if any actually will) are persons of whom i have been acquainted with for some time; what many people would call friends even. All, though, are persons who i have held dear to my heart and would like to continue to do so, but (there is always a 'but' though, isn't there?) there is a matter of great concern that i must relieve myself of; to part with it and pass it unto you to do with as you please.
This letter is the beginning of the deconstruction of perhaps nothing in its own paradoxal manner. This is me coming to the conclusion and finally saying, "enough is enough". The time has come for me to continue on with this so-called 'nothing' as it has come to be in the manner that you should choose to take it, and while i can hope for the best of outcomes from this statement, i know too, that there are repercussions as well - that this will merely confirm what has come to be. Yet i cannot resolve myself to accept the 'finale' as it were - thus here we are at a moment of climax where my last vestiges of hope are put out on the table.
My friends, our friendships have come to be nothing in their current state.
My friends, i cannot continue on in these 'friendships' in which we are engaged because i can do no more. Over the past year i have struggled and done everything in my power to make these relationships with all of you work, but despite my best efforts, they have failed. Now, the first thing i will say is that i know i have not always been the best friend. Indeed i have my own flaws, i am not perfect by any measure. I love you all in my own fashion, and i know that none of you are perfect persons either. i am not writing this to be condescending nor to display an ultimatium, nor to make you feel bad, nor to point fingers. This is being presented merely because i have come to the edge of these friendships and rather than falling - failing - i am letting this cry out in order to hopefully see amends made on both fronts; in that perhaps we can salvage the meanings we have ascribed one another. There is no time frame for responses to this, nor do i care. Read - digest - move on or come around when you wish and contact me in the format of your choosing. i would hope that all of you are well aware of the numerous ways in which i can reached.
This is being written because over the past year i have evolved and change and you might not even know me as i am not in many facets. i have invited you all into my home since i have moved with varying degrees of success. Some of you i haven't seen in years, some months. Is it not sad that i cannot say that there are some i have not seen in days? i have made efforts to see most of you at your convenience. At times i have pushed - pressed myself upon seeing you, or at least it has felt that i have had to do that in order to see my friends. i have always contacted you, with many of you never reaching out for me unless something is needed - this is just the light in which i have seen things - but there are few of you who ever reach out to contact me, initiating that first step makes me feel as if i am always an intruder into your lives, an unwanted pest.
This past year i went through several losses. First and foremost - my last grandparent - my grandfather to whom i was especially close. i do not expect sympathy or console for his loss as i have had my family to support me, but this has only made the past year all the more difficult. The other 'loss' left me a broken person for many months following. You all know that i am speaking of a relationship ending, and while i will admit and know that it was for the best - that i am a better, happier, and whole person for it, at the time i needed you all the most - the time i was crying out and reaching out for you all - i was alone in my apartment - which many of you had even yet to see some six months after living there. Some of you consoled me online - some reached out a bit further and some took a long time to come around, but it still felt as though i had to beg, plead, even force the attention upon you for my own help. i am an emotional person, and you all know of this, yet i feel let down and alone in this phase of my life. You should all know that i would do anything to help you out in your time of need, all you would have to do is ask. i have valued your friendships and want to see all of you happy. i know that i can be even 'needy' at times, but turning me away when i felt broken left me only feeling more alone.
Then in this past year, and in years past there have been times when you have disappeared, perhaps not all of you, but several have indeed just "fallen off the map" for lack of a better phrase. During these times i still have tried to reach out with no success, even though i have worried and wondered often about what could be wrong and what i could do to help you. i know that we all need our space at times. and we need our own room to breathe, but you all must know that i am here for you through and through and i have shown that i am, there have been many of you i have dropped what i was doing and rushed to comfort you many a time - and i shall do that again and for all of you should you choose that is what you want.
i have come to the realization that i cannot continue in this manner. Perhaps this whole thing is overtly dramatic or an overly pretentious and self-centered meandering through my mind and emotions. But this is something that i have been wanting to say for some time in some capacity to you all because i feel broken up about it all. i care deeply about you, but i cannot push myself off of the proverbial edge without this last consolation of hope and desperate cry that perhaps things can be amended and made better for us all. Perhaps there has just been misunderstandings that need light shed on them and talked over, perhaps simple miscommunications, or maybe i have done something to push you away. This is me attempting to further open a channel of communication with you. Do what you feel is needed.
You all know how to reach me.
tim.